recently I was able to formulate some thoughts on a social issue that I have encountered over my 22 years, but was only recently so perturbed about it to actually do some thinking about the issue. the thoughts go a little something like this:
INTRO:
there are many people I call friends that are very peripheral to me socially, i.e., I don’t consider them in my absolute inner circle of friends. these friends are almost always very excellent people that I respect and admire, but for some valid reason we just don’t get to spend a lot of time together, whether it be we live in different areas, or are both generally too busy and our paths don’t naturally cross during our schedules. People in this category I will generally see from once a month to once a year, depending on who they are. for the sake of this post, I will refer to these people as the Outer Circles, or OCs.
THE ISSUE:
whenever I do get to see the OCs, it is always a great time to catch up and have good conversation. the majority of the time, these friends will have the same sentiment. however, there is a sizable group of OCs who will try to make me feel bad for not contacting them or calling them or whatever. this annoys me to no end. why is the burden of communication on me with these people? it always sounds something like this: “oh man, JR, good to finally hear from you, we haven’t heard from you in so long, why haven’t you called us or wanted to hang out with us…?” it goes both ways dang it!!! if you want to hang out with me so bad, then freaking call me and invite me to do something! don’t wait til you hear from me, then give me a hard time about not calling you. its dumb and socially irresponsible. I have started reminding people of this when they give me this guilt treatment, but its still an issue with many people. why are people like this? the only thing i can think of is that people sometimes like to wallow in self-pity, and play the blame game when they are embarrassed for not communicating with someone they like or even care about.
THE SOLUTION:
whenever you see someone you haven’t talked to in a while, be glad to see them, and be regretful that you don’t hang out more, but don’t blame the other person for this deficiency. Socially, this is a large faux pas in my mind, and should be avoided. especially with me. the next person that does that to me might get eaten alive by me. Instead, do what Kristian did in my last post, commenting that we should hang out more. that is a great move.
-professor hawke